DATING, SEX, FIREARMS, & O-FACES
Dating, Sex, Firearms, & O-Faces is a chapter in the book “Way of the Concealed Carrier“, but I wanted to pull out just one topic for those who are on the dating scene. If you wanted to learn more about the sex and o-faces that was talked about, well you’ll just have to read it in the book.
At one point in your life you’ll be going out on a date and carrying a sidearm. So what do you do? When do you tell this individual you’re carrying?
We all have a vetting process when we’re trying to find that right person who will meet our expectations. That’s the point of dating. To find out if they’re a match and if you want to share your life with them. With any people you meet, don’t let your situational awareness drop.
Remember to follow the law when you’re out on a date. If your date wants to meet at a place where you cannot legally carry (like a bar or restaurant for example), then see if you can meet at another location where you are not restricted. Also remember that drinking and firearms don’t mix. So order something else, like an ice tea or soda while on your date. You want to have some sort of control over any situation that may arise and not be tipsy or drunk.
Concealed carry is your lifestyle that you will not change and those that love you should accept your lifestyle. If this new person in your life doesn’t agree with you in carrying a firearm, then this person will not be a fit for the way you live your life. You’ll get those rolling eyes, unnecessary comments, questioned about your lifestyle and then conversations about how you need to stop carrying. Is this the type of person you want to be with for the rest of your life who thinks that you’re paranoid and they just don’t see the world as you do?
On your first date, you obviously would like to get to know this person and you definitely don’t want to reveal that you’re carrying at that time. You want to vet this person and see where they stand with firearms. Since you’re there, you might as well drop a few things in conversations to see what their thoughts are around guns. Then you can determine at the end of the date if you want to proceed or not.
You should not reveal on the first date that you’re carrying since you won’t know what kind of reaction you‘ll get from this person. The date can become very uncomfortable with a lot of silence in between conversations. So start out with baby steps first.
Maybe inject the topic of TV shows. Mention one of those crime drama shows. Tell them that you really like one of those shows. See if they like that type of show and maybe the conversation of guns come into play. You can say that you wanted to be a cop as a young kid. Or you had a relative that was one. Then you can ask if they ever shot a firearm before and see what they say. Just slowly ease into it.
Ask them if they like westerns, pick a movie that you both have seen. Then lead up to asking if there are any hunters in the family. What type of game do they hunt for? Ask them if they ever went hunting with them or even shot some game. They may open up and say they like them, hate them, or are just neutral. Come up with talking points that could lead to firearms. Then see if they feel comfortable or not. You never know, the person sitting across from you may also be carrying a sidearm. You want to ease into things instead of just dropping the bomb on the first date and say “I am carrying a gun”.
You can also throw the following into your conversation to see if they’ve read this book (or this post). Think of it as a covert conversation to see if that the person across from you is someone like you. Ask them what their favorite cocktail is. Whatever their answer is, just respond “I was at this bar in Florida and the bartender made me a drink called the bullet train. Best drink ever”. If they ask what’s in it, then say “I don’t know, but it came in a pineapple and wrapped in a magazine”. If the response is “Was the magazine guns & ammo?” you can just smile and the both of you know that you are concealed carriers and have read this book. Now the both of you would have common ground in your conversation. You can take it to the next level and go to the range after dinner. If the conversation doesn’t match the one above, then you know they did not read this book (way of the concealed carrier) and you’ll have to use other tactics. I thought I would set something up for my readers so they can quickly get on the same page with their dates and skip all the questioning if they too have read this section on dating.
If you did not get to second base with firearms and you like this person, try a second date and continue with other topics that could lead up to firearms. By the end of the night, if you got nowhere, then towards the end of the date, you might want to lob that grenade. Why? You want to find out if there will be a third date or not and you’re probably into this person. You don’t want to waste your time and energy on the third date if you have not figured out by this time if they are pro-gun or not. Just ask them towards the end of the date, “I know this is a strange question, but what’s your opinion on firearms? The reason I ask is that it’s one of my interests and I don’t want to alarm or surprise you since some folks are fearful of guns.” I wouldn’t mention at this point that you carry concealed. If they give the right response, you’ll know where you stand for the third date.
Also keep in the back of your mind that you can’t change someone and it’s not your responsibility to do so. If you really like this person, but they’re against firearms, you’re not going to change their mind and it’s not your duty to change their opinion. You’ll just make the situation worse. The relationship will not last long, you’ll have differences and the relationship may end up badly. Leave it alone, there are plenty of fish in the sea, find someone else.
I think that you should have a trust relationship with someone before letting them know you carry concealed. I would hate for that person whom you had a failed date with tell everyone that you carry. Then this could lead to other problems if they start spreading the word that you carry. You could end up as a target of someone who wants to challenge you, wish to cause you problems, or just wants your sidearm.
The person you wish to have a relationship with may be against firearms or they may feel completely uncomfortable around them. Since carrying concealed is your lifestyle, you don’t have to give it up because someone else disagrees. You can just give them up. Why? It’s going to be a headache down the road and why create such an environment for yourself anyways? It could end up toxic. You want someone who has similar interests as you do and who doesn’t care one way or the other if you do carry or not.
Opposites do not attract, but it’s only true if you’re a magnet (not a chick or guy magnet). People who have similar interests will have attractions for each other. If you meet someone who’s against firearms, this should be a flag that the relationship won’t last long. It will come to a point in the relationship of “Which one are you going to choose, me or that firearm”? Relationships do not last if interests are different. So there’s no reason to put so much energy and time into a relationship if there are constant battles due to differences.
So having a partner that understands this is going to be a relationship made in heaven. If your partner is also armed, then you can relax around this topic of interest, build the relationship and grow it to many levels.
Be safe out there, be the responsible firearm owner and always follow the “Concealed Carry Creed“!!!